You probably clicked on this blog because you care about me in some capacity, and you were curious about what my plans were for that scary abyss commonly referred to as post-graduation life. But like every Lizzy story, I am incapable of keeping this brief, so you’re going to have sit through the whole messy ordeal (or I guess you could just skip to the end, but where’s the fun in that?) I’ve been trying to write this blog for a month now. Thoughts have been swirling around my head about how to accurately allow you to enter into this process with me. I’ve told this story a dozen times already, so it should have been easy. I’m so excited to share this that I found myself tripping over my own words and getting ahead of myself. Faced with a blank page, all I’d been able to actually produce is a title. I couldn’t decide if I should start with the conclusion and work backwards, or give the whole backstory before launching into the good stuff. Finally, I decided I was overthinking it. So, without further ado, here it is.
If you asked me two months ago what my plans were for next year, I would have given a vague answer about getting a job somewhere doing something. I’ve known since high school that I eventually wanted to work at a nonprofit organization that works to end human trafficking, but I had never really planned beyond that. I still didn’t know what kind of actual job I wanted (although I had a long list of jobs I didn’t want). I thought I would probably get some type of administrative assistant job at an organization, and hopefully work up from there.
Throughout college, I have been extremely involved in a Christian ministry at BU called Cru. My parents have been on staff with Cru for their entire adult lives at various campuses around the US (until this January when they moved to California and my Dad left staff to pursue teaching while my Mom stayed on staff, but that’s another story). I loved what my parents did, and knew from the time I could walk and talk and process my own desires that I would be involved in Cru at whatever university I went to. Cru has had a huge impact on my time at BU, and the opportunities I’ve had through it as well as the community I’ve made has shaped who I am today. I have led life groups with them, planned our meetings, and gone on several mission trips. In the midst of my uncertainty and confusion about the future, one of the Cru staff women offered to meet with me to help me process through my gifts and passions.
Though I loved my involvement with Cru throughout college, I never planned on interning or joining staff with them. I completely believed in their vision, but it just never seemed like what I was supposed to do. People asked me about it all the time, though. When people asked me to consider interning with Cru after graduation, I generally gave the same response: “No, it would take an act of God for me to ever work for Cru.” That wasn’t meant to be rebellious or defiant in any way. It was just me being honest. I knew that God would have to do something pretty crazy for me to think about interning after 22 years of involvement with Cru but no inclination or desire to work for them. God was going to have to do something explicit and drastic. But even so, I never said never, because I’ve been following Jesus long enough to know that He often does crazier things than this. And I knew that if that day ever came – if an act of God occurred and it became clear that His plan was for me to work for Cru – that I would say “Yes” with no hesitation. Because I’ve also been following Jesus long enough to know that saying “Yes” to His plan, no matter how insane or unforeseen it may be, is always going to be worth it.
This brings us to my meeting with this staff woman. Let me set the scene. It was Saturday, February 21 at 9:30 am. We sat at the table in the corner of Neighborhoods Café. There were mounds of snow covering the entire city outside. I ate my pumpkin chocolate chip muffin and drank my iced coffee, and we talked. The first hour or so was exactly what I expected, we talked about my gifts and passions and how those could fit into a future job. She was encouraging and insightful and helped me understand myself better. We laughed and cried. There was a point where the conversation shifted. She told me that she had to ask me a question. I knew where this was headed, and I told her to go ahead and ask, assuming that I knew exactly how I would respond. She told me that the Lord had told her to ask me, and she needed to be faithful to obey. As I suspected, she asked me to consider interning with Cru in Boston for next year. But then she went on to ask me to not only intern with Cru, but to intern through Cru’s partnership with International Justice Mission, an anti-trafficking organization. She described her vision: that Cru Boston would begin to engage with and address issues of injustice in our city, and that I would be a part of launching that movement. I had known about the Cru/IJM partnership since my freshman year, and had never really thought of it as an actual option for me, but when she spoke, something changed. She talked about her heart for justice and desire for our movement to engage with this city we love so much. She cast vision for what my role could be, and painted a picture of what the job could actually look like. To my surprise, as she spoke, that place in my gut that guides 90% of my decisions breathed a sigh of relief, and said, “Yes, finally, this is what you’ve been looking for,” immediately followed by, “Oh crap, God, don’t make me do this.” The application to intern was due in one week, so I told her I would apply and pray about it and let her know what I decided.
I was honestly shocked at how appealing it sounded, but I was not yet convinced. I called my parents, panicked, telling them that, “The worst thing ever just happened! Malisa made interning with Cru sound appealing!” They understood, that I was just freaking out at the possibility that after 22 years of saying “No,” God might ask me to say “Yes” to this. I spent the next week in deep processing. I fasted, and prayed, and journaled, and made pro-con lists, and sought wise counsel from those who know and love me best, and eventually I applied. Even after turning in the application, I was not convinced it was what the Lord had for me for next year. I was still looking for other jobs, and it was just one of the options before me. After spending one full week deep in thought about it, I spent one week not really thinking about it at all. I had three midterms, and I had to pack and prep for spring break. The idea of interning stayed in the back of my head, but I didn’t make any decision. By this point, I had this gut feeling that I would probably do it, but I still needed confirmation.
That was how I left it, when spring break began. I went to Panama City Beach, Florida, for Big Break, a week-long Cru evangelism conference and mission trip. Before I left, my discipler asked me what I was praying that God would do that week. I responded with, “Well, it would be great if I knew what I wanted to do next year. But, that won’t happen, so maybe just one step closer to a decision?” Why do I always try to limit God? Every night of the conference we had a speaker, Matt Mikalatos, give a talk about the Bible. On Monday night, the second night of the conference, he gave a talk about the main theme of the Bible. He said that the whole story of the Bible is: “Your God has seen your suffering, and He is coming to save you.” We can see this from Moses at the burning bush and God rescuing the Israelites out of Egypt to Jesus on the cross redeeming His people from their sins. During his talk he read Isaiah 40, twice. If you have never read, this passage from the Bible, I recommend you go do that right now. It’s beautiful and powerful and wrecks me every time. It is all about the greatness and majesty of God, and the fact that He sees and rescues His people. As Matt read this passage, I let the words wash over me and soaked them up. My mind wandered back to that night so long ago, when I was in middle school, sitting in a pew at my church, listening to someone explain human trafficking for one of the first times. I thought of the ways my heart broke in that moment in a way that has never really gone away. I was so convicted about the need to do something about this horrible injustice in the world. But more than that I remembered that I felt so convicted, because I so clearly saw the solution in Jesus. In that moment, sitting at the Edgewater Conference Center, and listening to Matt speak the words from Isaiah, I realized that I did not want to work somewhere next year where I could not recognize Christ as the ultimate solution to human trafficking and every other injustice in the world. I longed to be the voice crying out in the desert: “Your God has seen your suffering, and He is coming to save you!” That was the moment I decided to intern with Cru/IJM.
As the talk ended, and everyone else stood up to sing worship songs, I stayed in my seat and scribbled furiously in journal this next section. I knew I had to capture that exact moment of clarity into words, before it became confusing or vague or fuzzy in any way. This is what I wrote:
I think I’m going to intern next year. I’m still sitting in this session listening to everyone worshipping around me. After Matt’s talk, I’m remembering why I became so passionate and convicted about issues of human trafficking and justice. And it’s because I so clearly saw a solution in Christ. My desire is to point people to Christ as the answer – not just education or awareness or prevention – though those are important methods/vessels for His justice. But I don’t know if I can work somewhere next year where I can’t proclaim Christ as the answer. Not in a Sunday School, cop-out way, but as the honest solution for all the troubles of the world. I just want to point people to Christ in their times of suffering. It’s what I love to do. Lord, I think this was the confirmation I needed but I don’t want to just make an emotional decision. But you created me to feel deeply and love recklessly. The only way I know how to do that is to proclaim your holy name. So here I am, surrendered in all my insecurities and struggles and doubts. I give you the next two years of my life to do something kind of insane and terrifying in Boston. I love you, Lord. Let’s do this. — March 9, 2015, 9:34pm.
I love entering into people’s stories, acknowledging their broken, messy spaces, and pointing them to the healing love of Christ. And I can’t think of a better place to do that than with Cru. Because in Cru is where I found people who have entered into those broken, messy places of my life and pointed me to the healing love of Christ when I have needed Him most.
It wasn’t until two weeks later, that I actually got accepted to intern with Cru/IJM, but from that night at Big Break on, I knew it was what I was going to do. I am so excited about what God is going to do on this crazy adventure He is taking me on! There are still a lot of details that have not fallen into place, but the vision is inspiring. I am going to journey with students in Boston, help them understand better who God is, and help empower them to pursue justice in light of the ways God has already redeemed and restored them. And I am pleased to inform you, that sometimes acts of God can look a lot like a simple question over iced coffee.
Thank you to all of you who have been a part of this process, or even who have just been cheering me on from the sidelines. I am so excited about this next season of my life, and I can’t wait to share with you everything that God is doing!
❤ Lizzy
Storytime With Lizzy 